4 Steps to become better You
Life is a constant exercise in self-improvement. And while some of that focus lands squarely on becoming more educated or rising in the ranks of the workplace, sometimes we forget to improve how we treat ourselves and those around us. In the rush to achieve, the idea of being “better” can become lost to ambition and selfishness. The journey to improving your soul and your compassion toward yourself and others begins here.
1) Accept that this is a process.
“Becoming a better person” is a process that you will likely spend the rest of your life on. There isn’t one specific moment where you will finally have it all together and no longer have any room for growth. Opening yourself up to the process of change and growth helps you develop flexibility, and flexibility is key to consistently being the type of person you want to be in each situation
Accept that your goals and values may change over time. They may also change between situations. This is normal.
2) Examine your behavior thoroughly and honestly.
Consider how you react to stress, how you cope with loss, how you manage your anger, how you treat your loved ones. You have to understand how you are now before you can understand how to grow.
Once you’ve reflected on your behavior, you should have a better idea of the specific changes you’d like to make.
3) Frame goals positively. Research has shown that
you’re more likely to achieve your goals if they are framed as “positive” (something you will do) rather than negative (something you will stop doing). Framing your goals as negatives could lead to you being judgmental of yourself or feeling guilty over your progress. Think about your goals as something you’re working towards, rather than something you’re moving away from.
For example, if you’ve decided you want to be more grateful, frame it positively: “I want to express my gratitude to people when they are kind to me.” Avoid framing it as a judgment on past behavior, such as “I want to stop being so unthankful.”
4) Work on controlling your anger and jealousy.
These emotions are a natural part of life, but if you constantly feel angry or jealous toward others, you are going to have a difficult time finding happiness. As with cultivating self-compassion, accepting the behaviors and desires of others is a necessary step in becoming the type of person you want to be.
Anger can often occur because we believe things “shouldn’t” happen to us. We may become angry if we perceive things going away other than how we envisioned. Developing the flexibility to appreciate that things will not always work out the way you expected will help you reduce your anger.
Focus on those things in life that you do have control over, and worry less about what you can’t control. Remember: you can control your actions, but not their outcomes. Focusing on your actions rather than trying to control uncontrollable outcomes can help you relax and feel less anger when things go awry (which they will, from time to time)